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Friends in Your Life
This year has been amazing when it comes to revelations for me. Being a friend and having a friends are at the forefront these days. I have realized that I have placed value in some people for far too long that I shouldn’t have, nor do they deserve my friendships. This isn’t the first time that I have come to this revelation. After doing some devotional time between myself and God, I have to put an end to some friendships. I’m at a stage where I realize that it has hurt me more than anything to keep some people around.
Disclosure: This may ruffle some feathers. Some may think this is for them when it’s not, and if they do and they get salty, that’s one less person I have to remove later on.
The Talk
While teaching my daughter about the value of friendship, I had several epiphanies. As I sat down with her, I told her that everyone isn’t your friend. Some people are only associates. I know she’s young and some may not believe she is ready for this conversation, oh well I had it. The conversation was had and I made sure it was on her level. Friendships are built on trust, consistency, appreciation, forgiveness, honesty, transparency, generosity, and so much more. When those characteristics are no longer valued in the friendship, that friendship has ended.
The Real
We have to realize that sometimes those we want to continue to be in our lives for years don’t need to be. I know that over the years plenty of friends have been by your side for five, ten, twenty years, but is the friendship only because of convenience? Has this friendship blossomed over the years to become the gorgeous flower that of a lifelong friend? Or is it more like that thorns of a rose, causing pain over time because?
There are relationships that happen and the bond between people is immediate. The relationship feels as though you have known each other of years. In actuality it’s only been months, but your souls connect. Being able to be yourself fully and not feel like you have to tiptoe around certain subjects and issues means everything. You just feel it’s right when they come into your life.
No matter how long the friendship, friendships like any other relationship take work. But it shouldn’t feel like a dead-end job.
The View
One thing I’ve realized is trusting the saying that some people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
Some seasons last longer than others, but they are still just that. We have different seasons in our life. During these seasons we surround ourselves with those that are going through similar seasons. When education, marriage, babies, divorces, etc. come into play, some friends leave and some stay. Adding personal seasons increase stress to your life, and your relationships with everyone especially if your season is different from theirs.
Some people are around for a reason. They are there to teach you something. The lesson may come in disappointment rather than a happy solution or ending. But it’s a lesson that is needed for your survival later on in life. Now I’m not talking about this lesson saving your life (though it may be the case). It’s going to help you survive a situation in your life that you will encounter and replay the lesson you learned to get through it.
Those lifetime people are the ones that stick around through the great, good, bad, ugly, and just down right horrible times. They are there to celebrate the highs and bring that bottle of wine during the lows without being asked. They have your back and will have it at any cost. The ones that you call and say let’s go and they don’t ask where or what happened until they get in the car or after you have gotten there. Lifetime friends are HARD to come by, and should never be taken for granted.
The Empowerment
It’s not a personal thing against you, they just aren’t able to handle it. Some people can’t take on being in different seasons. I can say that I’ve been on both sides of this. I’ve backed out of people’s lives during deaths when I couldn’t take it, and made myself believe at one point that it was just better for them to mourn. On the flip side, I’ve had friends that I was ride or die for desert me out of nowhere, and to this day I still don’t know why. It’s not that the person loves you any less, your lives are just going in separate directions. Strong relationships can last through this, but those relationships that have slowly deteriorated can’t stand those test of times. And the most important thing about this is, IT’S OKAY!!!
Realizing that certain friendship have or are ending can be very hard, but when it helps you live your life you let it go. Majority of my close friends and I don’t talk everyday, some not even every week. We understand that our lives aren’t what they used to be in high school, college, even a week or so ago. All we are trying to make our mark in this world and become the strong women that we were born to be. We all want and need friendships in our lives. Just make sure they are healthy for YOUR LIFE.